Think sideways, Kamen advised calmly Even then, I...
Think sideways, Kamen advised calmly
Even then, I thought, without knowing why I was
thinking itEven then, even later, even now, even
so -
"You're not my Daddy, you're her," Ilse saidThat
drugged and dragging voice, so unlike herGoodb-"
"If so!" I shouted, not caring if I woke Wireman
or notNot even thinking about Wireman"You're
If-So-Girl!"
A long pause from the other endThen: "What's the
rest of it?"
I had another moment of horrible blankness, and
then I thought: Alicia Keyes, keys on a piano -
"88," I said"You're If-So-Girl88
891
There was a long, long pause
Then she began to cry
vii
"Daddy, she said you were deadThat was the one
thing I believedNot just because I dreamed it
but because Mom called and said Tom diedI
dreamed you were sad and walked into chanel jumbo flap bag the GulfI
dreamed the undertow took you and you drowned
"I didn't drown, IlseI'm okay, I promise you
The story came out in fragments and bursts,
interrupted by tears and digressionsIt was clear
to me that hearing my voice had steadied her but
not cured herShe was wandering, strangely
unfixed in time; she referred to the show at the
Scoto as if it had occurred at least a week ago,
and interrupted herself once to tell me that a
friend of hers had been arrested for "cropping
This made her laugh wildly, as if she were drunk
or stonedWhen I asked her what cropping was, she
told me it didn't matterShe said it might even
have been part of her dreamNow she sounded sober
againShe said the she
892
was a voice in her head, but it also came from the
drains and the chanel cambon bag toilet
Wireman came in at some point during our
conversation, turned on the kitchen fluorescents,
and sat down at the table with his harpoon in
front of himHe said nothing, only listened to my
end
Ilse said she had begun to feel strange - "eeriefeary"
was what she actually said - from the first
moment she came back into her apartmentAt first
it was just a spaced-out feeling, but soon she was
experiencing nausea, as well - the kind she'd felt
the day we had tried to prospect south along Duma
Key's only roadIt had gotten worse and worseA
woman spoke to her from the sink, told her that
her father was deadIlse said she'd gone out for
a walk to clear her head after that, but decided
to come right back
"It must be those Lovecraft stories I read for my
Senior English white chanel j12 watch Project," she said"I kept
thinking someone was following me
Back in the apartment, she'd started to cook some
oatmeal, thinking it might settle her stomach, but
the very sight of it when it started to thicken
893
nauseated her - every time she stirred it, she
seemed to see things in itThe faces of
screaming childrenThe woman
had too many eyes, Ilse saidThe woman in the
oatmeal said her father was dead and her mother
didn't know yet, but when she did, she would have
a party
"So I went and lied down," she said, unconsciously
reverting to the diction of childhood, "and that's
when I dreamed the woman was right and you were
dead, Daddy
I thought of asking her when her mother had called,
but I doubted if she'd remember, and it didn't
matter, anywayBut, my God, hadn't white ceramic chanel watch Pam sensed
anything wrong besides tiredness, especially in
light of my phone call? Was she deaf? Surely I
wasn't the only one who could hear this confusion
in Ilse's voice, this wearinessBut maybe she
hadn't been so bad when Pam calledPerse was
powerful, but that didn't mean it still didn't
take her time to workEspecially at a distance
"Ilse, do you still have the picture I gave you?
The one of the little girl and the tennis balls?
The End of the Game, I called it
894
"That's another funny thing," she saidI had a
sense of her trying to be coherent, the way a
drunk pulled over by a traffic cop will try to
sound sober"I meant to get it framed, but I
didn't get around to it, so I tacked it on the
wall of the big room with a PushpinYou know, the
living chloe bag room/kitche